Day 213......I Am Greatly Shaken

What happens when you forget all the things you are suppose to know.  Like preparing for a test for, well 213 days and then failing the test on exam day.  That is the day I had!  Total doubt and frustration enveloped me, I cryed and questioned my beliefs, and had Kentucky Fried Chicken....it was a bad day.  Now I am realizing that once again my emotions reared her ugly head and destroyed my perfectly wonderful spring day.  Oh I am a totally sucker.  I feel stupid! 

The good news,  I am not afaid to admit it and move forward.  I am reminded of a verse ( of course, another verse to my rescue)

 Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amplified Bible)

5  Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

6  In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

I have lost 2 followers, since I started my blog.  I am sad about it; however this is me the real me and I can't be anything else.  This is my stuggle and my victory!

Day .....Somewhere in the middle

I am so excited to share with you how amazing God is.  I am still in the mist of the unknown, and still curious when God is going to follow through on this leap of  faith. So why am I excited!  It is a verse that God has brought to life for me and it is

Psalm 62:1-7 (Amplified Bible)

1  FOR GOD alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.

2 He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be greatly moved.

3 How long will you set upon a man that you may slay him, all of you, like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?

4 They only consult to cast him down from his height [to dishonor him]; they delight in lies. They bless with their mouths, but they curse inwardly. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

5 My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him.

6 He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved.

7 With God rests my salvation and my glory; He is my Rock of unyielding strength and impenetrable hardness, and my refuge is in God!

The author of this scripture is declaring that he will not be greatly moved by his current circumstances .....then after more torment......he declares he shall not be moved at all.  I have lived this, the last few months with every crazy emotional mountain, I hestitantly declared "I will not be greatly moved" and God has been my rock and has delivered me out of the momentary mountain of crazy just in the nick of time.  So now even though my circumstances are still crazy and I need God daily to be my rock and defender, I declare," I will not be moved at all". I am excited to tell you that renewed strength does exist and God does wait on us to see where our loyalty lies, then just in the nick of time, we are given renewed strength and the preserverance needed to press on in faith.  It has been a major power struggle for me to let go and allow God to be in the driver seat, but as I declare each day that I will not be moved, My flesh (old me) gets worn out and I feel totally capable to enjoy my day and not get stirred up about anything.  The bonus is that I was a emotional eater, so God has taken me on this journey to deliver me from my greatly moving emotions.  I feel in control of my eating, it is a discipline of eating when hungry and not eating to fill a emotional void..  I am losing weight and loving the feeling of being able to control myself.  Selah!

Day i don't know

Acts 17:28 (Amplified Bible)

28  For in Him we live and move and have our being; as even some of your [own] poets have said, For we are also His offspring.

What this verse means to me is that circumstances don't matter. It is in Him that we live, move and have our being.  It doesn't say if all our circumstances are perfect, it doesn't say if  we do good works, it doesn't say anything negative.  It says IN HIM we live, move and have our being.  I am here to tell you that it is a HUGE power stuggle for me to give it all to HIM, but in the mist of my crazy circumstances, I have continually looked to God for the comfort and answers.  I have lost all control and relinquished it.  I am not on the treadmill, why? Because it is no longer available for me to use.  No Problem.  I am not able to control what I eat, because for the last month I have not been to the grocery store.  No problem.  I did give the control to God and to His Glory I am past my first weight goal.  My fingernails are getting so long that I have to file them down. My family appreciates my role in the house more than ever.  What did I have to do. I had to give up control over my future, I had to trust that God is in control and IN HIM I can live, move and have my being in abundance.   I am in AWE today of how God works, it is never predictable and [in my case] He loves the impossible.  So I say, with confindence, bring it on!  The devil will not steal, kill or destroy what God intends for good.  I gave my focus to Him and then all the things I was worried about worked themselves out, through faith and trust, and not giving up!  Follow the link below for a totally cool, very relevent clip that was the message at church today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3qh2dJxUy8&feature=related

Day 146......Hooray!

Yesterday, I was offered a job doing what I love, design.  I had such a fear to get back into the workplace after staying home with my girls.  God showed me that along with being a mom, I can do what I love doing and what I am passionate about.  He opened the door and instead of cowering in fear or staying in my confort zone, I walked thru the open door.  I am excited to see where this adventure takes me.  I am also up this morning and just got off the treadmill.  Why?  I wanted to get up, I am excited about the day. Wow!  That is refreshing, after trying to fit into a schedule or routine, now I want to.  I just need to hold on to this feeling and embrace it tomorrow.

I stumbbled upon a song on the radio before I went to bed the other night that really inspired me, of course, it was the Holy Spirit giving me the grace I needed to push me out of my comfort zone.  It is by Britt Nicole "Walk on the Water"
Click on the the link to hear the words  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et00UNFDjVM

Day 145.....Do What God Wants

Matthew 6:33 (Contemporary English Version)

33 But more than anything else, put God's work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well.

I know God is good. He wants me to get this (Do What Is Right) so that I am not stuggling with the "other things".  If I focus all my attention on doing Gods will then He will take care of the rest.  I am believing for it; however it is a struggle with in my self to not think about all the "other things" that clog up my thoughts.  Like "when will I lose weight", "when will my family be settled in our new home, new town, new school", "where will we go the church", "will we be in the right neighborhood", "should I go back to work", "is childcare the best option for my girls".  It is overwhelming and easily distracts me from doing what God wants.  He wants me to have faith and trust and focus on the fruits of the spirit.  Easier said then done.  I started this journey very materialistically, no cookie yes shoes.  The reality is God had a different goal in mind, the goal is to do what God wants first. 145 days to understand, now how many more days until I apply this understanding.  I think I have spent a month just restating that simple philosophy.  I hope it sticks with me, I am ready to move forward.  I have hovered over the problem long enough.

Day 138....Week 20 Weigh In

Today I lost 1 lb., I gained mostly in the last few weeks, so I hope I am back on track, staying aware.  It is a constant state of awareness.  The old me likes to rear its ugly head, but I am learning HOW to stay focused.  I feel a lot like a blubbering idiot, but one thing is for sure....I am not giving up....and if applied all my mutterings are helping me be the best version of myself.

Day 136....Let God do what I Can't

I am still frustrating my own situation by thinking too much.  I am trying too hard to do it myself.  I believe what God is trying to get through to me is that I need to stop the thinking about what and how to do anything, but instead keep my focus and thoughts on Him.  All my thoughts need to be prayers, then I need to trust and have faith in God's will and perfect timing.  Even with my weight and health.  I have been overweight and unhealthy for a good portion of my life. It is not what will make or break me.  God is trying to get a bigger message to me through my surrendering to this discipline.  I need to be aware that I need God's will and perfect timing in all areas of my life.  When I surrender, God shows up and I am in auto pilot, effortless.  I am up this morning because I surrendered last night after about an hour of tossing and turning over the things in my life that I am powerless to change on my own.  I prayed, " Lord, I am sure you are laughing at all my plans, I need to sleep now so , take my thoughts and worries, bring me peace and patience but most of all I surrender to YOUR will for my life, keep my concience sharp to do only what I can, and give the rest to You, to do what I can't! Amen"  That was last night and this morning I am up and on auto pilot.  God is so good!  Let go and let God......it is true!