My sister has left. She is on a very exciting adventure with the Holy Spirit. On the phone today, she talked to me while on the highway headed west toward the mountains, toward her hopes, her dreams, forging her journey in faith. I made a commitment to her that I am going to trust that I can live up to. She is planning on coming back to the midwest for a marathon in the spring. She asked me to meet her there and run the 10K. I said, yes! I have 6 months to train. My sister says, start off slowly and work your way up to running 3 miles everyother day, then add an extra mile each week. Ha Ha Ha. This all sounds so out of reach right now;however I am committed. It will be exciting to see my sister at the Run, and my husband agrees it would be a great time to have a family vacation, too. I just have to take baby steps. First I will use, Couch to 5K 9 week I-Tunes podcast while on the treadmill, then I will follow my sisters advice. So by January 2010 I should be running 3 miles everyother day.
My eating only when hungry lifestyle is going well and I am ready for the next step. Hopefully, the first pair of shoes will be running shoes. I made it to my first earmark for success and now I am holding off until the next earmark, which is 5 lbs away. The shoes I want are expensive for my budget right now. I can wait!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Lots of decisions have been made that will drastically change life for me and my family. We are putting our house on the market and preparing to start a new life in a new town. I am such a planner that all this change has my mind working overtime. I toss and turn at night, praying that my mind will stop. Despite all the crazy, I am not biting my nails or grabbing bags of chips to consume, which is probably what the old me would've done. I realize that no matter what happens, God is my stready, trusted friend that will never leave me or forsake me. My will may not be His will, but I can trust Him with what is best for me. I am relying on that trust as I focus on God and not my current circumstances. I have not been doing my food journal, but listening to my hunger signals. I will start journalling again when my mind can get back to it. I have decised that I will not let excercise or journalling be my success factor, but the scale and depending solely on the signals my body is giving me. I am reminded in scripture that all things (material) will pass away, but God will last forever and He only cares about How I manage myself into His purpose and for His glory.
1 Corinthians 9:24-26 (New Living Translation)
24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
So the Holy Spirit was been subtly letting me know that this weight loss journey is a personal journey between He and I, not that I have to stop blogging, but that I need to look to Him for the right path to take. Let me go back about two weeks. I was getting discouraged about the scale and feeling like I needed to start following a strict diet and exercise routine. I was actually getting anxious about it. I was anxious enough that I was looking for diet programs, and exercise routines that I could stick to. Every time I looked at a scheduled program, I got a quickening in my spirit, like an internal caution. Weird feeling! Then I began praying, "Lord, what?" "I am trying to do what You want me to do?" I waited a couple days, keeping on with my normal discipline of keeping my food journal, but I was not exercising. I began to seek the Holy Spirit in quite prayer, the same whisper again, "Look to me". I was frustrated, feeling like I didn't know what that meant or how to do that. I was looking for a proven method, a scheduled program of exactly what to do. Four days ago, my mom brought over a bible based, "Give it to God" approach to weight loss in a series with a workbook, tapes, video and a carry along booklet of scripture proclamations. I have been reading the material and watching the tapes for the last couple of days. I was practically in tears; everything that the Holy Spirit has shown me this far in my journey was the same as what this resource was implementing in a HOW TO format. Yes, it sounds crazy. Here is the basics, read the bible, listen to your body's true hunger signals, then eat slow and thankfully until full, if you still feel like grazing or if your thoughts are continually on food, then focus on the Word to redirect your thinking to the One who can take that desire away. I have tried this approach for a few days, it is difficult at times, and I have had to talk myself into redirecting my thoughts, but it has helped. I have been journaling my food for 4 days since I started this and I have noticed that I am able to stay within my allotted points without too much effort. I haven't weighed in, to see how the weight is doing, but I feel really good. I am at a complete loss for the words to describe how amazed I am that the Holy Spirit was trying to steer me in this direction all along. Oh, the best confirmation, I have always loved the Isaiah 61:3, the great exchange of beauty for ashes. The Lord is now showing me HOW TO exchange my ashes for His beauty. I am in Awe.
.... and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called mighty oaks,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I am feeling very convicted in some of my weight loss/healthy approaches and I am in serious prayer over this. The stange thing is my mom did not know what I was feeling convicted about. Today she felt led to bring me a resource regarding weight. I am totally blown away because the very things that I was being convicted about, this bible based weight loss resource addressed. I want to research it a bit more before I totally switch my approach. I am still keeping my daily food journal; however I have not posted for a few days, again it's because of a conviction in my spirit. I know this sounds crazy! I know the voice of the Holy Spirit and I can't afford to ignore what He is convicting me of EVEN IF IT DOES SOUND CRAZY!
1 Corinthians 1:25 (New Living Translation)
25 This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
My weight has always been a sore subject for me. Being teased and moving often didn’t help my self esteem. I was brought up in the church and Christian school, so I knew God. My relationship with God didn’t start until I really needed Him, the summer before my junior year of high school. That is when He became my comfort and Solace as I faced another year at a new school which always meant possible rejection. My young mind contributed this rejection to my weight. So that summer, was a time of exercise, writing all my hopes and dreams in my journal and spending time with my new buddy, God. As the year began, the world that I desperately wanted to fit into started to accept me. I gained friends and finally felt at home with myself, where I lived, and with my plans for my future. I felt I belonged, and I had it all under control. My old buddy, God, faded into the background. Then the worst possible thing was now my reality my family was moving again at the end of that year, my senior year. In my devastation I chose to blame God. I believed the lie that He had taken away all my hopes and dreams. I began a 7 year spiraling web, centered on self image, and anger. I believed that if I was going to amount to anything and if anyone was ever going to accept me I needed to be like the world. The world in my young mind looked like a desperate need to be skinny, getting attention of boys and unfortunately drinking alcohol. All my childhood fears, all the moving, the friendships I gained and lost, the broken ambition, rejection, the teasing flooded me. I lost hope. I was acting upon and listening to lies that motivated me down the wrong path. I began an "only eat an apple", or a binge then purge, type diet and noticed that when I look good I got attention. It didn't matter that it was the wrong kind of attention, it fed the lies that I chose to believe. Alcohol also fed the lie that I was only funny and socially accepted when I drank. My choices caused more heartaches, fear, pain, torment, and misery. I was a mess in that year before and just after I graduated high school. When things got really dismal, I always felt a protection over me a small comforting Voice in those times. I sought after my career choice, which was totally a wrong fit for me, a flight attendant that became afraid to fly. I found myself needing to eat but not knowing what to or how to eat to maintain my socially acceptable image. I got pregnant, got married, then my worst nightmare, I miscarried my baby. I found myself totally lost, confused, married and gaining weight fast. I was now in a job that met the needs of my new life, totally duty bound. This was a time and reason to get a feel good fix from my old Buddy, God, who incidentally, I still blamed for my bad behavior. I still felt protected. My heart softened enough to listen to the small Voice that actually kept me from slipping too far. Like times when I was tempted to violate my marriage vows but I obeyed that small Voice. I drifted into unfamiliar territory, accountability, when I joined Weight Watchers. I finally learned how and what to eat, I lost 30 pounds, but it was never enough. My brain kept seeing unattainable goals for my weight; I let other bodies dictate my success. I felt like I could never compete, never be good enough. I got depressed. Then wanted to have a baby to fill the void, but couldn't get pregnant. I enrolled in college to fill time, and chase another career for fulfillment. Nothing worked. I still got my God fix when I needed a boost and my husband got on the God fix, too. He also needed to get out of the depressed place we both were in. It’s amazing that God still comforted me even when I had such anger and resentment toward Him. I re-examined God and my past. In searching for something, I felt lead to a women’s conference at a local church and I found the “answer", the “answer" that I never knew. The "answer" was God requires something from me.....MY LIFE. I needed to see my life through the eyes of the One who created me, the One who holds my hopes and dreams in a safe place, until I ask Him for them. The one who knows exactly what will make me joyful, peaceful, kind, loving and hopeful, because He made me, He designed me. Like the engineer of a machine knows the intricate parts that make the machine do what it was designed for. I needed to give God my life and my trust. I asked God to forgive me and committed my life to Him, this time I said the prayer of salvation with a true heart felt motive and sincerity. God loved me too much to leave me with wounds that needed to heal, and a heart that was in pieces. That was 9 years ago; I am still being overhauled into the life He desires for me. I am only obligated to listen to His voice daily and walk in His guidance. God has revealed Himself to me through the Bible, through a church that I am a member of and serve at, through friends that God brought into my life, through finally listening to the parents that prayed me through my dark days, through alternative outreaches, through my now saved and living like a Godly man, husband. Now, I am crossing the bridge of obedience that’s called getting healthy. Whatever God has next for me requires health, requires healing the wound of poor self image, accepting the body He made, and the foods that He gave us to enjoy. I am excited to get to that place, but I am also learning to love the journey. It requires faith, hope, and most importantly love. God was with me the whole time, His protection was always their, His still small voice kept me safe. I won't be foolish again to blame my loving, redeeming, perfect Father for anything. I will, I choose and I know better. I still go through battles with the liar who wants to rob me of my best life; however God is still with me in the battle and He will always be the VICTOR! God has given me two beautiful daughters. I have come a long way. I can only look to and trust in the only ONE TRUE GOD, through JESUS, HIS SON and HIS SPIRIT my constant HELPER.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I have kept a open mind. Waited for guidance, proceeded ahead with a plan of my own and then the Holy Spirit enlightened me. The next pursuit is pure, whole foods. I take that to mean no processed food, or food labels that have unrecognizable ingredients. When I say the Holy Spirit enlightened me, let me explain, I was at the local grocery store still not really knowing what "healthy eating" looked like for me, I didn't know what to buy. I bought I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray, because when I was going to Weight Watchers meetings the spray was highly recommended and I successfully lost weight when I used it back in 2001. I didn't think too much about spray butter vs butter that night, However; in the morning while preparing breakfast I used the spray butter on my toast, ate my toast then thought out of the blue, "if it's not butter then what is it?" I actually got anxious about "what is it?". Then this unraveling happened, I want to eat healthy. I want to know what I am eating, I need to be accountable for what goes into my mouth as well as my little ones mouths. I battled over using real butter thinking that is pure fat, that can't be better for me. Can it? I googled healthy butter substitutes and found this article, http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/butter-substitute.html, that was all I needed to know, it was confirmed. My new path is pure, whole foods, no compromise. Easily said, now can I do it! I looked in my pantry and I have several foods that I enjoy that contain more than one unrecognizable ingredient. Fiber One plus Antioxidents bar is one that I ate this morning. I need to be refined on this path, and I know the Holy Spirit will prick my conscience when I am way off. This morning, I dumped out my coffee, the coffee my husband made me, the coffee he makes for me every morning, my regular coffee with one splenda. I drank it and it tasted fake. I am in shock, because I loved the taste of splenda. I am drinking tea right now with no sweetner, that is not me, that is a power beyond reason. I hope all my temptations turn off like that. I am excited to see this path for whole, pure foods unfold. I am keeping a open mind. Waiting for any more interventions, by the way, Light Mayonaise has unrecognizable ingredients, but real Hellmans is pure.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I am just a stay at home mom who wants to be in Gods will. This journey I am on is at a crossroad, I don't know the path to take or how hard the terrain will be. However; what I am is CONFIDENT. CONFIDENT that the Holy Spirit is NOT going to lead me astray. He will lead me to the desire of my heart. I am CONFIDENT, because I know getting healthy is what God wants for me. The path that I take, the hard terrain that I crawl over is my personal journey and I will stay focused on my guide, the Holy Spirit. I am at a crossroad. As I make changes, I am going to be open to what crosses my path ie. new blog sites that peak my interest, info from friends that confirms what is right for me. I will look for the complete and perfect lifestyle that the Holy Spirit knows will work for me.
1 Corinthians 13:9-10 (Amplified Bible)
9 For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).
10 But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).
Monday, November 2, 2009
Halloween came and went. I made it out unscathed; but maybe a bit scroogie. I had a getaway girlie night for myself containing a massage and girlie conversation. Meanwhile, my girls got loaded up on candy with their daddy. Until I can be disciplined to not let bad foods take charge over my brain (craving) then bad food should be out of sight and thus out of mind. Someday when this disipline is developed I will be able to have just one. Later that night, my hubby hid the loot but set out a tootsie roll and a three muskateer mini for me. He is so sweet. Grrr. (See Nov. 1 post)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Getting healthy should not be a burden, I need to change my perspective to "being healthy is a awesome thing that I can choose to do for myself". It means more energy, better quality of life, a good example to my girls, most importantly being healthy is the outside reflection of my inside, if I am healthy on the inside (spiritually) then that health should spill over to my outside (physical) body.